Not Quite Sex, but There is a Resemblance

Archived | August 30, 2013 | By

Listened to the show Saturday and it was not bad. Monday was one of those rare days when I have the house to myself and a decent stretch of time to spend as I please. Of course there was some housework, and there are people out there who think those who sweep or dust or vacuum regularly have unresolved issues, and that may be, but there’s something wonderfully centering and calming and even rejuvenating about work around the house, and how you feel after. I wouldn’t quite compare it to sex, but there is a resemblance. Especially if, on occasion, you do your housework naked. Which I am not in the habit of doing, but let me tell you, it was so hot on Monday I could have cooked pork chops on the driveway. I did have the air conditioner running for a while, but going in and out even occasionally, from 100 to 72 degrees, can make a person sick. Plus, I’m a fan of the breeze. So I turned off the AC, opened the windows, peeled off the clothes, and went to work. Cleaned the house. Top to bottom. Record time.
It was so hot. Instead of a shower right off the bat, I thought I’d have a glass of lemonade and rest a few minutes. I lay down on the carpet near the open window, the most wonderful warm wind coming in through the leaves of the willow tree. I remembered when I was young, lying on the grass beneath the willow in my neighbor’s yard and laughing and thinking how great the world was. Anyway, I must have dozed off because the next thing I heard was a gasp, and then a sound like someone inhaling a scream, and I sat up. Lord help us all. It was Mrs. Thompson from down the street, just inside the front door, wanting to borrow some flour, judging by the measuring cup in her hand and flour on her cheek.
“I thought you were dead,” she said. I was covering myself with pillows as she spoke. “I looked in and saw you on the floor…” “Oh, Mrs. Thompson,” I said. “I just finished cleaning and was resting before a shower. I’m so sorry I frightened you.” I walked kind of sideways to the bathroom where I grabbed Mr. S’s robe (I don’t own one, long story) and went back out to the living room. “Can I get something for you?” I asked. “I need flour,” she said. “Just one cup. My your house smells fresh. Like lemons. Only autumn lemons, if that is possible.”
I handed the flour to her and she thanked me and I told her she was more than welcome. I helped her down the few steps to the door, where she stopped and turned and smiled. “I used to clean the house in the nude, too,” she kind of whispered. “Those were the days.” “Yes, they were,” I said. And so are these.
These sandwiches are just plain savory, and cheesy and good.
Bun Burgers
1 can tuna or 1 can ham (grinding up SPAM works great)
4 hardboiled eggs
1 cup chopped Velveeta
1/2 cup mayo
3 T chopped onion
2 T sweet relish
1/2 of 1 small jar stuffed olives
Chop everything and mix in mayo. Spread in hamburger or hotdog buns, wrap in foil, and heat about 10 minutes at 250 or so.